EP48 Part II – Grace under pressure with Amy Callahan
This is part 2 of a 3 part series with my wife Amy. I got a little choked up with this interview because I’m so proud, grateful and honored to be building this life together.
[0:00:14] KC: All right, so here we are picking up where we left off last week with my amazing beautiful wife, Amy. Oh yeah also, just so you know, this is split into three episodes. So you’re going to get one next week as well, so this is part two of three, Grace Under Pressure with Amy.
[0:00:38] KC: All right so we are back at the kitchen table with Amy. Two of us sitting here, catching up or picking up where we left off last time and so now, we’re at the kitchen table sometime in the afternoon. Wyatt is upstairs sleeping, both of the girls are at school and Addie is in Amy’s arms right now, she’s wide awake so you can probably hear her in the background.
Yes, so we had an awesome conversation last week and we were planning on recording for the last couple of days but as you can imagine with four kids, Amy is a busy woman. All right, so I have some more questions. I know that we finished off last episode talking a lot about parenting, home birthing, raising four kids and all of that. Was there more that you wanted to touch on that or maybe we could come back to what it is that we’re talking?
[0:01:51] AC: Yeah, I don’t have anything that’s sort of standing out that I feel like we didn’t cover in regards to that stuff.
[0:02:02] KC: Cool.
[0:02:03] AC: But if anything pops in though, I will let you know.
[0:02:05] KC: All right, I want to jump into some bigger things that I think are bigger principles maybe that I believe that we sort of focused in on our lives and the first one that I wanted to just open up and get your thoughts a little bit about. There are so many different ways toward this but like the glass half empty or the glass half full or someone is always seeing the bright side in things.
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BOL 48 Transcript
I think that something that I work towards, parts of it come naturally to me, parts of it I work towards it but it’s definitely something that you have down with that like always looking at the upside of everything. So I was wondering if you could share how you believe that affects someone’s reality? does that make sense like how I’m asking that question?
[0:03:15] AC: Yeah, I think that, I definitely can’t say always look at things that way but I think it just becomes a habit to try to look at things that way even if it’s not your initial reaction because life is just easier when you’re in that space versus a glass half empty space even though we all have days or times where it’s hard to see it as half full. And I think that as with any of your thoughts that you’re constantly putting into your head, they have a huge effect on their reality.
[0:04:14] KC: So dive a little deeper into that, like that “the thoughts that you are putting into your head have a huge effect on your reality”. Because that’s the reality that you live in, that’s the reality that we live in but I think that a lot of people haven’t been as exposed to that and if they are, don’t practice it on a conscious level.
[0:04:37] AC: Yeah, I mean it’s sort of as simple as what you think ends up becoming what actually happens. So it’s sort of like the old power of attraction or law of attraction is whatever you’re feeding your own mind or whatever you’re putting out to the universe, it’s actually going to happen, whether for good also in terms of looking to build a certain life or achieve a certain goal, putting that out there and thinking like it’s already done and believing that it’s going to happen actually does allow it to happen and the exact same thing is true for anything negative.
So if you’re believing that you’re, I dunno? Not going to be successful in something or not a good mother or not a good friend, always going to be in debt, whatever it is — not going to be able to get a promotion or whatever it is that you’re looking to do, that’s all going to happen too if you’re believing that it’s not going to happen. So yeah, I would say that for somebody who’s looking to learn a little bit more about attracting what they want into their life, I’d start with the Wayne Dyer book.
[0:06:22] KC: Which one?
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BOL 48 Transcript [0:06:23] AC: The Power of Intention.
[0:06:26] KC: Yeah or Manifest Your Destiny too.
[0:06:29] AC: Yeah, it’s a really good first exposure to realizing that your thoughts really do
create the world that you’re living in.
[0:06:41] KC: Yeah and I think that we’ve been doing that for probably 15 years now, right? [0:06:46] AC: Yeah.
[0:06:47] KC: In the beginning I think that, at least for me and I don’t know if it’s the same way for you? For me it was when I started reading those books and the ones that really stick out are the Wayne Dyer books and Louise Hay. It was almost exciting, it was like a childish excitement that there’s a whole other realm of being able to actively create a life, create your reality.
And then overtime, it almost became a norm. Like it’s a norm for us now where if we’re looking to do something, then the first thing that we’re looking to do is get the energy towards where we’re going first before we start taking action, if that makes any sense?
[0:07:45] AC: Yeah and I mean I remember when we first started reading the Wayne Dyer books and talking to people who were years ahead of us at that point in terms of understanding the power that your thoughts have when you’re putting them out to the universe. Another really practical tool was creating vision boards, because it’s all about seeing it before it’s like even really there.
So anything visual is a really good like it makes it more concrete than just something that you’re like, “Oh, I’ll just go put this thought out there.” But if you can really see it and believe it, that’s the energy that it needs behind it to make it happen.
[0:08:43] KC: Yeah and as you’re mentioning that, that’s how we wound up out here. We had a vision for moving to the Berkshires with the ski mountain on it and a beautiful house and one of the things that was important to us was the family house, a family feel to it.
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BOL 48 Transcript
[0:09:00] AC: And had the girl’s school on it before any of them were there. [0:09:06] KC: Yeah.
[0:09:06] AC: Yeah, I was very specific and we didn’t know exactly how it was going to happen but we knew that we were going to end up out here.
[0:09:17] KC: So that’s an important piece. So we started out talking about glass is half empty, glass is half full, optimism, pessimism, etcetera. So we are in place A and we have this vision, even though it’s not crystal clear, there’s a lot of clarity around it. We have this vision of where we want to go and the important piece that I wanted to highlight that you said is we didn’t know how but if you hold the vision, the how appears. You still have to do the work with the how, right? But you have to hold the vision for the how to appear.
[0:09:55] AC: Yes. Yeah, you don’t have to have it all figured out to have the vision. The vision’s the end point and if you are just taking small steps like listening what comes back and it eventually all pieces together and you achieve that final vision but when you first have the vision, you might not know exactly how you’re going to get there but you have to hold it, you have to believe it, you have to give it space to grow, you have to trust it and then the rest actually gets figured out.
[0:10:42] KC: All right, so I want to jump over to one of the big things that we’re working on as a family right now kind of in all aspects of our life is really stabilizing and simplifying our life and for everybody who’s listening, what that means for us is we’ve got four kids under six and we bought a house last year that we did a bunch of work.
We’ve made some changes with the business, just all kinds of big things that have happened in our life. We had a baby a few weeks ago and in the next year or two, between with the relationship for Amy and I with just being here for our kids, with our finances, just with everything it’s the theme and I love how this ties in. So the theme is like — the theme or the vision, so the one to two year vision is stabilizing and simplifying.
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BOL 48 Transcript
And going back to what Amy was talking about, once you have the end in sight, it allows all your decisions, it allows the how to surface. So we didn’t made a plan for what is stabilizing, what is simplifying but when big decisions come up in our life, we analyze it against that. It makes it simple to make decisions because even though we may want to buy this or do that or whatever, it takes the emotion out of it. But that was my question.
[0:12:34] AC: Yes, it’s a good segue.
[0:12:35] KC: Could you imagine being a listener like when I’m always talking in circles? You
have to live with this. [0:12:40] AC: I’m used to it.
[0:12:43] KC: So as a person — when we got married we had made the decision, we were putting the, I shouldn’t even say kids and stuff first. It was the family and it was the type of life, the type of vision we wanted for the family and for all that. Like we put that front and center and the piece that I admire about what you brought into it and what we have now is, a lot of people may not understand this but they’re either centred around money or they’re centred around what other people think about them or they’re centred around body image or their career or their kids.
Like the successes of their kids and stuff like that and so the thing that you really brought to it and that we’ve created is really, it’s a center around love and compassion and simplicity and open mindedness. I guess the big thing, like any of the other things go away, if our career went away, if we’ve had the benefit of being well off financially, if that went away, if body image and stuff like that, that it would be okay. I was wondering if you could share a little bit more about your thoughts with being centred in that way versus all the other different ways that people can be centred.
[0:14:34] AC: Yeah, I think that sort of in our culture, it’s really easy to get caught up in all the exterior things. It’s the way that our society, our culture is living in the United States, in the Northeast in a nice town and a nice house. It’s just sort of become the way that a lot of people do find their self-worth or value is through their achievements or their stuff or how they look to the outside world or how their kids look to the outside world.
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BOL 48 Transcript
I guess sort of the one thing that I want to say about that is that the reward of that is never going to be enough to really bring self-happiness because it’s empty. It’s not real. You’re not your job, you’re not your possessions, you’re not your achievements so I think that at least for me, it’s easy to get caught up in that stuff.
[0:16:12] KC: Right, it’s nice.
[0:16:14] AC: Yeah, it’s totally easy. It feels good and it’s fun to buy things and its fun. There is a very short term reward, like feeling that comes from having that be the top priority. But I think that most people would agree that it’s exactly that, it’s short term and you’re always going to be like, “What would be the next thing to buy?” or the next thing to do or the next 10 pounds to lose or whatever it is, it doesn’t just end. Whereas really figuring out who you are and what makes you tick inside, that’s a deeper…
[0:17:13] KC: I wonder if people can here that? Our 11 year old is making…
[0:17:18] AC: Sounds like he does puked up a lung. So I guess figuring out who you are being really solid with who you are and what makes you happy on a really deep level, it makes all the superficial stuff not have as much influence over you because you realize it’s just fleeting. There is always going to be more to go after, more to keep up with, more to do, more to achieve.
But if you’re just solid with who you are and not on this hamster wheel of constantly trying to chase after something else, it brings a peace, a settling feeling to your soul, to your being that then gives you a place to stand and grow from there versus from something outside of you.
[0:18:25] KC: So really summing it up, it would be to send yourself in creating the best version of you.
[0:18:36] AC: Yeah.
[0:18:36] KC: Sitting in that because versus — because I feel like if you’re not happy without
the car, you’re not going to be happy with the car.
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BOL 48 Transcript
[0:18:44] AC: Exactly.
[0:18:44] KC: If you’re not happy without the clothes or the kids.
[0:18:47] AC: You might be happy for a month with the different car or the different house but it’s still the same, you’re still the same person.
[0:18:57] KC: Yeah, do you think the same is true for even a relationship? If you’re not happy with the relationship?
[0:19:04] AC: That you’re feeling switched in the relationship? [0:19:06] KC: No, say you’re single and you’re…
[0:19:10] AC: Not happy being single?
[0:19:11] KC: Yeah.
[0:19:13] AC: Yeah. I think it’s the same for that. It’s really think the journey is about figuring out who you are and being the best version of yourself for you and knowing that everything that you need is within you. It’s just a matter of tapping into it. It’s not going to come from somebody else, it’s not going to come from another thing and I guess that’s our life work really. It’s easy to say it, it’s a whole other thing to start to do it and live the journey.
[0:19:57] KC: All right, so money. One of the things that you really have brought to the family and what we’re doing and really the driving piece behind the stabilizing part, so just for everybody listening, I could spend all our money and buy all kinds of shit and Amy definitely reigns it in but it’s deeper than reigning it in.
I think to put it in the simplest terms, we live way below our means rather than above our means and what I mean by that is, we have a lot more money coming in that what we’re spending. So a lot of our friends within the Beachbody community and then other people, there is just an honest
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BOL 48 Transcript
piece. They are spending either everything they’re making or even more that what they’re making.
I think just reflecting back on what you said about being centred in who you are, would you say that that allows you to be totally cool with not spending above your means? We have beautiful cars, a beautiful home and all that stuff but you could always do more, right?
[0:21:26] AC: Yep.
[0:21:26] KC: But the more is never going to satisfy you.
[0:21:28] AC: Yeah, I think with the spending piece and not spending piece and no spending everything that’s coming in or even close to everything that’s coming in, I think I have to credit my dad with that.
[0:21:46] KC: Yeah.
[0:21:47] AC: Growing up as a kid, my dad always put the emphasis on. I remember as a kid, he would say, “Spend whatever it takes on education”. That was really something that he valued but when it came to cars or homes or clothes or second homes or anything like that, he really drew a line and we lived below our means.
It was just normal as a kid, we had a full home, we had one of four so we had a big family and we went to private school, we all went to college and so grateful for my dad that none of us took out loans because that was the thing that he planned for that. Whatever it was for education, he was going to spend it if they had it.
I think now as an adult looking back on that, that’s definitely has had a big impact on how I view extra spending and I didn’t want us to have the stress of this huge mortgage that if anything happened to the business, we would be in a financial trouble. So that’s always been another factor of like I’d so much rather be living below our means and not have the stress of feeling trapped in a home or trapped with our car loans or whatever it is.
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BOL 48 Transcript
That, A, you can’t do anything else or B, if anything were to happen, you have to make massive life changes to sort of get out under it. So yeah, I would say that the influence of my dad and then just my own never wanting to choose to put ourselves under this pressure where if things started to change, it would be a massive amount of stress to undo it all.
[0:24:17] KC: And I think for anybody listening, we talked about this in the previous episode and we could go into a lot more detail but if you’re in a situation where you’re either spending everything you’re making or even you’re you’e making, or on the other side where you’re spending more than you’re making, I would highly recommend checking out any of Dave Ramsey’s stuff.
If you just Google Dave Ramsey and all of his information will come up. You can start with a book or a course, however you want it. I shouldn’t even say I think, I know that had a lot to do with the decisions we made with not carrying any debt except for the mortgage like a big principle for us.
[0:25:04] AC: Yeah and I think if you are in the space of spending everything that’s coming in, even if it’s not frivolous. I’m just saying like if your mortgage and your cars are matching what’s coming in, then it’s a good time to maybe make some changes and also, people think like, “Oh, well if I just have another $500 bucks a month then we’d have some cushion and things would be easier”.
But what you and I have both seen is that if you are spending everything that is coming in now and you get the extra $500 bucks a month, you’re going to spend all of that. You will still be looking for the extra, “If I only had an extra this,” or, “If I only had an extra that,” because you’re going to work with your mindset first and set some ground rules for your spending because otherwise, no matter what your income is, it’s always going to be all the way spent by the end of the month.
[0:26:12] KC: Yeah and as you were talking about that, I was thinking the exact same thing that I know for myself, if I was listening to this 10 years ago and I know a lot of our listeners, the first thing that pops up is, “Well, I can’t. I’m so far behind I can’t do anything,” or, “My situation is like this and I can’t get out of it” like that type of piece.
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BOL 48 Transcript
It really goes back to how we started talking about that, where your mindset is. Let’s say you just lost your job and everything is so bad and you need to live off, whatever the situation is, the first step is opening your mind to a simple phrase that I have always use, “I can, I will, I am”, getting into that space.
Because a lot of times, there’s a reality. You really can’t but it’s not because it’s not possible, it’s because your mind doesn’t have any room for it to happen, right? And your belief that you can’t is true. It’s very valid and it’s very true but there’s that tiny little shift in consciousness, just opening the door to it to the possibility and then it just shifts, right?
[0:27:37] AC: Yep. Yeah, I mean it’s nurturing that tiny little shift at t first. You might say or you might have a glimpse of like, “All right, if we make this small change that would allow for whatever this next piece is,” and then the next day, you might be like, “What am I thinking? It’s not going to change.” But it’s a matter of having the small shift and then even if you’re faking it. Even if you have to fake it until it really starts to feel real, go ahead and fake it because that’s what’s your mind will begin to believe it if you tell yourself that that’s what it is if you make it be true.
[0:28:23] KC: All right, so we’re going to cut out there for today with Amy and we’ve got one more episode. So tune in next week for the final part of our three part series, Grace Under Pressure with Amy.
[0:28:40] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to the Business of Life Podcast. Apply what you learned today and you’ll be one step closer to creating the life you love to live.
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